I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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