i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
