Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
