I hope mine doesn't look like that
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
honey bunches of taint.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
