I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
