I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
