She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
