so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
