he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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