It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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