I think im going to throw up on grandma
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I need moral support for this bender
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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