shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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