mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
