how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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