I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
