Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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