If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
