i just wanna soil my oats bro
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
