In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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