ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
