I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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