Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
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