Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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