just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
