I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
