u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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