I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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