Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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