I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
