At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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