i already hear my dad disowning me
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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