so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
