Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
