Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
