i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Bring me that man meat
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
