Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
