I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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