So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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