I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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