Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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