I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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