Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I checked into jail on foursquare
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
