Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
