I must be too annoying 4 u.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
