Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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