I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
