I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
