I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
