he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
