i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
