ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
