Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
