She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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